Let me explain

Aside from having a love for fashion there is another underlying reason as to why I've started this blog now. 

Let me explain.

Rewind to September '13, I joined Slimming World. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember, I have faffed around with various diets and such and nothing had ever really worked. I'd heard of Slimming World and after my sister had joined I decided to tag along. The first meeting was very emotional, apart from being pumped full of energy and ready to go with the weight loss thing, I was amazed at what my weight had spiralled up to. To be 23st at 21 years old was a huge shock to my system and to cut a long story short, I stuck at the food plan and I lost 3 & 1/2 stone. I did plenty of exercise and was determined to be a smaller me.

Now, let's skip forward to March '14.  It was around this time that I found out I was pregnant, and of course I over joyed! Circumstances and pregnancy related issues made me stray away from Slimming World, although at 40 weeks (I didn’t pop 'til 42 weeks), my weight was around the 19st mark. I thought, especially with this weight including the weight of my little-one-to-be and all the other pregnancy yack, that I had done pretty well not to balloon over the 9 months.

Ever since I got pregnant, I had every intention of getting back on Slimming World and getting down to my 'ideal' weight as soon as I was ready. For me that was 6 weeks post-natal, January '15. Everyone had told me that my post-preg body would never be the same and I accepted that, but I still wanted to be smaller.  I stuck to the plan and the weight was slowly coming off.

So, up to date. I had a bit of an epiphany. All this time, my only reason for ever wanting to be 'smaller' was so I could find clothes easier. I've never wanted to lose weight to conform or to feel 'normal', I just wanted it to be easier. By easier I mean, I would love to be able to nip to Primark last minute and find something to wear for a night out; instead of trawling the internet for a dress that I can't try on beforehand.

The reasoning behind the title for my blog; since having my baby, I've found myself trying to conform and trying to be that 'mumsy' type of person. I even dyed my hair brown.. I've really been struggling with what people are thinking about me. Not necessarily just about how I look, but about peoples presumptions of my parenting. 'She's not the normal kind of mum' those sorts of things.  I have never been that 'normal' person (what is normal anyway?).

I know in myself I am a perfect mother, my hair colour isn't going to change that. And neither is my weight. 

Finding something just to go shopping in would be a nightmare, everything is too tight, too colourful, too baggy and I was always back down to my leggings, a vest and a big coat.  I would put a dress on and tights etc then last minute I would say to myself 'are you really gonna wear that?' and get changed.

Then something clicked. My brain has snapped into order. I don’t need to lose weight, I don’t need to change my hair, my style. I don’t need to change anything. I want to be happy and if eating a bar of chocolate does that. So what?

I love eating healthily and if losing weight is a by-product of that, then so be it. Weight is a number, something we can never be defined by. Whether I'm 10 stone or 200 stone, it's my choice. Whether I am healthy or not, is my choice. I would rather focus on being happy with what I have. I will wear what I want and I'll look amazing. My body is amazing; it made another human being, for fuck sake!

If I got to my 'ideal' size, I still wouldn’t find anything to wear in Primark. It's just not me. From now on, I will make an effort when I want, and I will wear a full face of make-up to Aldi if I want to and I'll still wear my maternity jeans because they're comfy. Who's cares?

I'll ask my mirror self 'are you really gonna wear that?' and I'll say HELL-FUCKING-YES.

-x-